Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
