I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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