When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
