..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
