Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
