Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
