I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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