It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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