No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
