WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
