Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
