Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
