i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
