I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
