Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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