I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
