3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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