When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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