I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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