Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
