ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
the raccoons are back...
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