Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
