She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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