Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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