When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
