When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
