Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
