i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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