mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
