sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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