it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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