OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I can't turn off my feet"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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