Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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