a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I currently don't understand fingers.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
