i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
