i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
