Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
