last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
