i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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