I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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