$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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