also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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