we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
