My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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