i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
this just has baby written all over it
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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