Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
