Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
