Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
