I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
