probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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